Broken
by Forciblyblue
Summary: Wolfstar. Remus and Sirius have just helped Lily and James get together, but what happens when they have nothing left but each other to think about?


Wolfstar

-6th year

-remus and sirius just got lily and James together

-theyre sitting on a sofa, admiring their accomplishment

-lily and James are snuggled together in the same armchair

-remus pulls out a book and sits cross legged, hunched over the worn pages

-sirius looks over and watches him read

-he doesn't know why he does it, he's seen him read so many times before, but somehow this time something's different

-he notices how Remus's nose scrunches a little when something in the story makes him angry, and how his eyes widen at each plot twist

-he notices how the locks of mousy brown hair fall not quite far enough to obscure his vision, how the red scars taunting his face look almost fresh in the light cast by the fireplace

-he looks back over at lily and James

-james is playing with lily's hair and she's complaining, but he can tell that she doesn't want him to stop

-he imagines Remus playing with his hair

-he wonders if it's all just because of the fact that Lily and James look so happy together, so right together that it's putting ideas in his head, making him desperately try to find even the slightest chance of having anything like that himself

-he looks back at Remus

-he notices how his long fingers subconsciously trace one side of the page

-he notices how his breathing changes with each step of the story

-he notices how beautiful he is

-he notices how beautiful he's always been

-but he's seen him read before, he's even watched him read before, so what's different this time?

-for the past few weeks both boys have been noticing everything about how James and Lily act around each other, frustrated with how neither Lily nor James could see how much they belonged together

-and now, just thinking about it, Sirius notices that the whole time he's been acting the same around Remus

-but Remus would never notice

-remus lupin, despite all of his intellect was always blind to himself

-remus lupin, who never believed that anyone could love a monster like him

-remus lupin who was pretending to read a book, just as an excuse to sit next to Sirius Black for longer

-because unlike Sirius, Remus knew better than to stare

-he knew that staring would do him no good

-he let himself believe that by not looking he wouldn't have to think about him, out of sight out of mind

-but he could've sworn that he could feel sirius' eyes upon him

-and they were

-because Sirius could never get enough of him

-because Sirius never thought of him as a monster

-Sirius never even let himself think about Remus

-at least not in that way

-because ever since fourth year he'd found himself staring at Remus

-remus who was (at the time) at least a foot taller than him (and still now is a good couple inches taller than him)

-and by now he had gotten so used to ignoring how he acted around Remus, ignoring how he felt, for so long that now it was like seeing him again after those holidays for the first time

-the holidays where sirius had spent so much time scared that his mother would find out somehow

-the summer where sirius realised the poster of a half naked Muggle girl on his wall that he had put there a year before did nothing but stare at him with her unmoving eyes

-the September where he saw Remus on the train and he thought he might break

-the year where Remus noticed Sirius avoiding his eyes

-the year Remus thought Sirius had began to hate him

-the year he realised how much he didn't want Sirius to hate him

-the year he realised that just kissing girls wouldn't be enough

-the year he decided that nothing would ever be enough if it wasn't the long haired boy with whom he shared a dorm

-but this was the first time that they had worked together (without James or Peter) since third year

-this was the first time in a long time he had let his feelings come bubbling back up

-and he realised that he and Sirius would have time alone together

-James would be with Lily, and Peter would be doing homework in the library (Peter gets given way more homework that the everyone else because he does so badly in class)

-and in a moment of weakness, Remus looked up from his book and over at Sirius

-Sirius darted his eyes away quickly, hoping Remus hadn't noticed him staring

-Remus could've sworn he saw Sirius staring

-when Sirius blushed Remus couldn't bare it anymore, he knew that letting himself think about Sirius for even a moment longer might cause him to go mad

-Sirius didn't know why he was shocked, so disappointed that Remus went to the dorm, but he just stayed sat there for a while watching the fire slowly die out

-unbeknownst to Sirius, when Remus had gotten to the dorm he instantly climbed into his bed, pulling the blankets over his head

-he felt like he might explode because OH MY GOD Sirius would be the death of him

-he began to shake, and before he knew it he was crying

-when he eventually heard the door open he went suddenly silent

-"Moony?"

-and Sirius's voice melted Remus

-"Rem, are you alright?"

-Sirius was sure he had heard sobbing from the other side of the door

-he sat on Remus's bed

-Sirius was often the one who comforted Remus

-he was always the one who noticed when Remus was in a dark place

-when he did he always pushed his feelings down deep, and just focused on his friend Moony

-and Remus always did the same for Sirius, focusing only on his friend Padfoot

-because both knew exactly how to talk the other out of their own fear, their own despair

-at these times neither of them ever let themselves feel how they wanted to feel

-no matter how close they were or how good it felt to be that close they never let themselves go

-but tonight, even though he'd done it so many times before, this time he couldn't think of a single word to say, so he did the only thing he could think of, because no matter how painful it would be he had to make sure Remus was okay

-so when Sirius climbed into Remus's bed to comfort him both boys shattered into a million fragments

-and even though it was the one thing he least wanted to do in that moment Remus began to cry again

-this tears soaking into Sirius's jumper, and Sirius holding him tight

-and still no words came to Sirius, because Sirius didn't know how to talk Remus out of this one, whatever was wrong was so unclear to Sirius that the best he could do was gently whisper "it's going to be okay"

-but it didn't work

-because Remus knew it would never be okay as long as Sirius was there and he couldn't be with him

-the more Remus dampened his jumper the more it tore Sirius apart too

-the more he sobbed the tighter he held him, but the tighter he held him the more it seemed to crush him from the inside

-all Sirius wanted was for Remus to be okay

-no

-what Sirius really wanted was for them to be okay, and for them to be together

-and even though they were just friends, today, after everything, they were both in the same place

-today both boys had been broken open

-so when (much to both boys surprise) Sirius cupped Remus' face in his hands and pressed his forehead against Remus', Remus stopped crying

-and when Sirius' eyes widened at the fact that even through damp, puffy eyes Remus was just as stunning as ever, Remus kissed him, Sirius didn't know what had hit him

-all both boys knew was that they didn't want to break apart

-when they did however Remus was so tired that all he could muster was a gentle smile before pressing his face into Sirius's chest and fell asleep

-just watching Remus, so peaceful wrapped in his arms that he realized how tired he was too, so he let himself drift to sleep as well, because at that moment he couldn't even begin to think about anything but the boy who was finally all his.

-when James and Peter finally walked in and saw two of their best friends alseep in a tight embrace, they said nothing

-all that happened was a wide smile spread across James' face as Peter sighed and handed him ten galleons


End file.
